mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
