i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
