i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
