The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
