you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
