Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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