ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
