Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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