i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
