Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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