There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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