why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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