I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
