I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Randomize
