It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
