What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
