pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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