It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
