I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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