Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
