i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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