I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
