I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
