it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
