If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
