he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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