i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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