and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
