i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
