At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
