Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
