You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
