his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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