Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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