there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
