how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
