thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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