I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
