When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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