You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
