we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
