I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
