dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
