Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
