I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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