I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
