is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
