MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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