Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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