he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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