No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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