Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
