Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
