is your mom at the bar?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
